Domestic Abuse

What is Domestic Abuse and Coercive Control?

Domestic abuse is behaviour by someone to control or gain power over a partner or family member. It can include controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse. It can include psychological, physical, sexual, financial, emotional abuse. In nine out of ten cases, children are in the same or next room when the abuse is going on. Domestic abuse impacts on their wellbeing. Coercive Control is a form of emotional domestic abuse and is a criminal offence. It is behaviour intended to make someone feel intimidated, scare, humiliated or threatened. It is a purposeful pattern of behaviour.

In nine out of ten cases, children are in the same or next room when the abuse is going on. Domestic abuse impacts on their wellbeing.

Coercive Control is a form of emotional domestic abuse and is a criminal offence. It is behaviour intended to make someone feel intimidated, scare, humiliated or threatened. It is a purposeful pattern of behaviour.


 
 

How does it affect children?

Children are affected in many ways by abuse, even after a short time. These effects include: feeling frightened, becoming withdrawn, bedwetting, running away, aggressiveness, behavioural difficulties, problems with school, poor concentration and emotional turmoil. The longer children are exposed to abuse, the more severe the effects on them are.

Domestic violence may teach children to use violence
Violence can affect children in serious and long-lasting ways
Where there is domestic abuse, there is often child abuse
Children will often blame themselves for domestic abuse
Alcohol misuse is a very common contributing factor when violence occurs in families
Pregnant women are more vulnerable to domestic abuse

   
Children who witness, intervene or hear incidents are affected in many ways. What can be guaranteed is that children do hear, they do see and they are aware of abuse in the family. Children will learn how to behave from examples parents/carers set for them. Domestic abuse teaches children negative things about relationships and how to deal with people. For instance:

  • Children will often blame themselves for domestic abuse
  • Alcohol misuse is a very common contributing factor when violence occurs in families
  • Pregnant women are more vulnerable to domestic abuse

Adolescent to Parent Violence (APV) / Child to Parent Violence (CPV)

Adolescent to Parent Violence (APV) or Child to Parent Violence (CPV) can be defined as ‘abusive behaviour perpetrated by a child against a parent/carer. Abusive behaviours include but are not limited to, threats, name calling, humiliation, threats to harm themselves or others, property damage, physical violence and theft.

Adolescent to Parent Violence or Child to Parent Violence is not restricted to violence against a parent; it extends to violence against a family member who is acting as a parent i.e. foster family, grandparents, aunt or uncle. It can occur even when the child or adolescent does not live in the same property as their parents.

Teenage Relationships

If your child is in a healthy relationship with someone, they should feel loved, safe, respected and free to be themselves. There are different forms of abuse, but if your child’s relationship leaves them feeling scared, intimidated or controlled then they are in an abusive relationship. Abuse is not normal and never ok.

  • Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of gender, sexuality and age (including teenagers) and take many forms, but remember you don’t have to be hit to be abused.
  • Emotional, psychological and financial control are also very serious forms of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse often escalates over time – what starts as verbal and emotional abuse can turn into physical violence.
  • Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support such as family and friends, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
  • Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim

Is my child being abused in their relationship?

If you can answer yes to any of the below points, then your child is being abused:

  • If your child is frightened of their partner, or your feel that your child has to change their behaviour because they are scared of their partner’s reaction, then your child is being abused.
  • Is their partner very jealous and possessive of them?
  • Does their partner get angry when your child wants to spend time with their friends or demands that your child spend all their time with them?
  • Does their partner check their phone, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter?
  • Does their partner try to get them to defriend people on Facebook, take down their photos or stop them messaging their friends?
  • Are they always calling, texting or messaging to check where your child is and who they are with?
  • Do they tell your child what to wear or how to do their hair?
  • Does your child’s partner laugh at them or put them down in front of other people
  • Does your child’s partner get aggressive? Do they hit, shove, slap or kick your child?
  • Does your child’s partner threaten to harm them – or themselves if your child tries to leave them?
  • Does your child’s partner call them names?
  • Does your child’s partner pressure them to have sex when they don’t want to (without consent), telling your child that “everyone else is doing it” or that they would do it “if they really loved them”?
  • Does your child’s partner pressure them to send sexual texts and images of themselves?
  • Does your child’s partner share any sexual texts and images of your child with their friends?

Claire's Law

Clare’s Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS), gives individuals the 'right to ask' police whether their current or former partner has a history of abusive or violent behaviour. 

The law allows you to:

  • Make an application to the police requesting information about your current or ex-partner, because you are worried they may have been abusive in the past and believe they may pose a risk to you in future.
  • Request information from the police about the current or ex-partner of a close friend, neighbour or family member, because you are concerned that they might be at risk of domestic abuse in future.

The scheme applies to all relationships, regardless of gender, sexuality, or background, and aims to help protect people from potential harm.

Clare's Law (www.clares-law.com)

What Can I Do?

Domestic abuse is a crime, never hesitate to call the police who have specialist officers trained to help you and put you in touch with other agencies who can help you with safety planning, housing issues, drug or alcohol problems or give details of solicitors who can assist you with the legal side of things.

Services for men and woman experiencing domestic violence both locally and nationally, who can provide advice and support on a wide range of issues can be found below and on our Organisations that can help webpage .

Paragon Logo

Paragon (paragonteam.org.uk)  is the Isle of Wight’s domestic abuse and sexual crime service provider. They also provide support and services to parents and carers who are experiencing child to parent violence. Abuse can be reported via their freephone helpline on 0800 234 6266 . You can also email them at ParagonIOW@theyoutrust.org.uk or view their leaflet .

National Domestic Abuse Helpline Logo

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk)  provides support and information to those who have, or are, experiencing, violence and abuse. Run by specialist services to help survivor’s access safety and rebuild their lives. Contact them on 0808 2000 247 any time day or night.

The Victim Care Hub (hampshireiowvictimcare.co.uk)  provides free, confidential support for victims of crime and those impacted by crime. Their aim is to help you cope and recover from the effects of crime, regardless of whether or not you have reported to the police.

Men’s Advice Line Logo

Men’s Advice line (mensadviceline.org.uk)  is a confidential helpline for men experiencing domestic violence from a partner or ex-partner (or from other family members). Call free on 0808 801 0327 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email info@mensadviceline.org.uk

Hampton Trust (hamptontrust.org.uk) have Children & Young People Independent Sexual Violence Advisors to support boys and girls aged between 11-17 following an experience of rape or sexual assault. They specialise in looking after young people who have suffered any unwanted sexual experience, regardless of when the incident happened, if you have reported to the police, or other characteristics such as gender or sexuality. Contact the service on 07435996248 or isva@hamptontrust.org.uk

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Reducing Parental Conflict (iow.gov.uk) - There is growing evidence that shows parental conflict puts children's mental health and long term outcomes at risk when it is frequent, intense and poorly resolved.

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Who's In Charge (isleofwightfamilycentres.org.uk) is a nine week group programme delivered by Barnardo's Family Centre staff, for parents and carers who have a child aged 8-18 who currently appear to be beyond parental control or who uses violent and abusive behaviour toward them.

Are you concerned about your behaviour towards your partner

Do you recognise that you are abusive to your partner? Are you worried your children are witnessing too many arguments between their parents? You can refer yourself to the Hampton's Trust who provide a service for perpetrators:

The Hampton Trust (hamptontrust.org.uk) provide a range of services for perpetrators to encourage healthy, non-abusive relationships. Contact the service on 02380 009898 .