Supporting Your Child

The phase of life between childhood and adulthood is a time of major transition physically, emotionally and socially. Hampshire and Isle of Wight Safeguarding Children Partnerships have created a Supporting your adolescent resources toolkit that has been designed for parents and carers. It provides information and help on a range of topics that can sometimes affect pre-teens and teenagers as they journey into adulthood and signposts where to go to get further support.

Supporting your adolescent resources toolkit

Teenage Relationships

If your child is in a healthy relationship with someone, they should feel loved, safe, respected and free to be themselves. There are different forms of abuse, but if your child’s relationship leaves them feeling scared, intimidated or controlled then they are in an abusive relationship. Abuse is not normal and never ok.

• Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of gender, sexuality and age (including teenagers) and take many forms, but remember you don’t have to be hit to be abused.
• Emotional, psychological and financial control are also very serious forms of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse often escalates over time – what starts as verbal and emotional abuse can turn into physical violence.
• Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support such as family and friends, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
• Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.

Is my child being abused in their relationship?

If you can answer yes to any of the below points, then your child is being abused:

• If your child is frightened of their partner, or your feel that your child has to change their behaviour because they are scared of their partner’s reaction, then your child is being abused.
• Is their partner very jealous and possessive of them?
• Does their partner get angry when your child wants to spend time with their friends or demands that your child spend all their time with them?
• Does their partner check their phone, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter?
• Does their partner try to get them to defriend people on Facebook, take down their photos or stop them messaging their friends?
• Are they always calling, texting or messaging to check where your child is and who they are with?
• Do they tell your child what to wear or how to do their hair?
• Does your child’s partner laugh at them or put them down in front of other people
• Does your child’s partner get aggressive? Do they hit, shove, slap or kick your child?
• Does your child’s partner threaten to harm them – or themselves if your child tries to leave them?
• Does your child’s partner call them names?
• Does your child’s partner pressure them to have sex when they don’t want to (without consent), telling your child that “everyone else is doing it” or that they would do it “if they really loved them”?
• Does your child’s partner pressure them to send sexual texts and images of themselves?
• Does your child’s partner share any sexual texts and images of your child with their friends?

Sexual Activity and the law

The legal age for young people to consent to have sex is 16 years, whether they are straight, gay or bisexual.

Whilst the legal age of consent for a sexual relationship is 16 years, any sexual relationship or sexual contact with a 16 or 17 year old by a person in a position of trust is still unlawful, even if 'consensual'.

Children under the age of 13 are legally deemed incapable of consenting to sexual activity and therefore all incidences of sexual behaviour involving children under 13 should be considered as a potential criminal or child protection matter.

What is consent?

This short video explains what consent is and why it is important. It is a good video to watch with your child. A transcript of the consent video is available here.

Isle of Wight local advice and support for parents

Safe4me provide parents with information and resources to help educate, guide and support children and young people to keep safe and covers a wide range of topics.